Flawsome, Hangry, Tertiary

3 things to inspire 1 story written in 20 minutes. #story320
words/phrase provided by @ladychap84

31 flavors.

It doesn’t sound like that many flavors but when you wait behind “Laura-let-me-try-everything-while-sighing-and-tapping-the-glass-display” it feels like the 31 flavors are manifesting like some Lovecraftian adaptation of Jesus Christs’ feeding of the 5,000. A version where Jesus manifests all the food and then hordes it all for himself.

I think my metaphor is getting lost. I’m hangry. The lady is by no means any sort of savior, except for maybe saving the two of us behind her from getting ice cream within a reasonable time frame.

“Can I try the Rum-Raisin?”

Tiny spoon to mouth and then “Laura” sort of hums and moans at the same time like some sort of indecisive mating call where the suitors are the 31 flavors presented before her.

“I wonder what the coconut-lime tastes like? Can I try it?”

Of course the acne’d youth behind the counter was corporately indoctrinated to that American creed “the customer is always right.” Plus, she’s just killing time until she punches out–

–“Can I sample the chocolate chip mint and the pistachio as well?”

Obliged.

“How about the vanilla bean, how’s that?”

Obliged, and with a smile.

“Is this rocky road made with real marshmallows?”

I can’t take it anymore. I lost my cool in the ice cream shop.

“Hey lady, what does that mean with the marshmallows?”

She turned around. She had on a black t-shirt with an arrangement of gold letters that spelled some sort fo elementary school slang “Flawsome”.

“Excuse me?” she said.

From behind me the tertiary constituent in our sad procession towards frozen dairy spoke up.

“Di-Di-Di-Di-Di-Did he-he-he s-s-s-s-st-st-st-st-st-stutter?”

I stared at the lady, raised my thumb and slung it over my shoulder to emphasize his point.

“I’m selecting the flavors I would like. There are 31 flavors–“

“–Hurry up!” I interrupted her.

“Ye-yeah,” started the tertiary ice cream fan. “It’s no-no-not s-s-s-sophie’s ch-ch-ch-choice. Bi-bi-bi-bi-bi-bi-cunt!”

And I realized two things: One) the stutter line came from a guy who had a stutter and two) some people take their ice cream seriously.

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